i've had the bout of flu or winter illness that has been hitting folks everywhere. Early in January i was sick for three days - almost didn't make it out of the bedroom. a week later i thought the sickness was gone and that my body was on the mend.
this past week it struck again.
after going to the doctor i was told that i just have a cold but to keep an eye on it. i left disappointed that there wasn't anything i could do or take to make it go away. (a product of my society i am.) i vocalized to my house mates that the reason i don't like being sick is that i have no energy to be kind, to choose compassion, or to fight the negative thinking - all i can do is acknowledge my sore body, the cough that racks my body, and do the little that i have the energy to do. one of my friends said, ' it is a one of the few times that your mind and soul allow for the darkness that resides within each of us to simply be.'
i'm going to have to think about that some more. feeling anger towards the doctor, feeling impatient with the nieces and just being so focused on me - not the space that i'd like to be in...
but today being Sunday and my chosen day to cook. i had a dinner to plan and prepare for the household. no sickness was going to hold me back from enjoying the process and focusing on an act of giving. So, i shopped for groceries with Mark, and then began to cook. What came of it was a nutritious meal for all of us present and scrumptious at that. Curried Kale Soup, an asian pear- swiss chard slaw and bread. the girls tasted the food at the request of their mother (picky eaters they can be at times) and Olivia (usually the pickier one) chimed in - I like the green stuff - the "Kale" is yummy and so good for you - and encouraged her sister to eat it too. My heart skipped a beat.
now as i head off to bed, i'm grateful for those who help me to live outside my bounds and who help me to reach a little further beyond what i think i can. Amen.